How to talk about emotions at work

Image by Priscilla Du Preez via Unsplash

You know you shouldn’t ignore it when your people are struggling.

But many leaders find it tough to talk about emotions at work. Here is the summary of what Harvard Business Review advices you should do:

Imagine one of your direct reports appears visually distressed in your weekly one-to-one meeting.

You ask her how she is doing; if something has happened. She responds that she is currently experiencing a miscarriage.

How do you respond to that?

An uncomfortable “take whatever time you need to take care of yourself” does more damage than good.

Let’s start with what you SHOLDN’T say:

❌ ”Don’t be sad, you have an excellent job/family.etc”
That’s dismissive.

❌ ”Everyone feels like that sometimes”
It minimizes the issue.

❌ “Hey, it could be worse!”
That’s negating it.

❌ ”You shouldn’t worry because XYZ”
Now you are prescribing a solution.

❌ ”Look at the bright side. Everything happens for a reason.”
This is called toxic positivity.

Instead, here is what you should say when addressing someone who is struggling emotionally:

✅ “I can see why this is exhausting.”
Validating someone's experience is a great first step.

✅ “Tell me more about that.”
When we seek to understand, we’re showing that we care.

✅ “What would be helpful right now?”
When in distress it’s hard to see what could make it better. Asking the question helps with focusing on it.

✅ “Would X be helpful?”
If they don’t know what may help offer a specific way. But pose it as a question instead of a prescription.

✅ “Would it be helpful to hear what helped me in a similar situation?”
Even if you were in their shoes before, check to see if they’d like to hear your story first.

✅ “I can see this has been hard. I am here for you. Thank you for trusting me with this information.”
It shows that conversations like this are important to you and reinforces a sense of safety.

You can read the full article here.

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